“The Difference Between Praise and Flattery Is The Amount of Sincerity Present”
Something that has crossed my mind recently is the terminology used by the average person. Time after time people use the same words over and over. While this may seem practical and an efficient way to communicate it can also lead to words losing meaning. Case in point would be the words coaches use to praise their athletes. I have been a part of many teams that have a huddle at the end of each practice to bring the team together. Often this ends with a comment of “good job” or “great work today.” Now this is good in its own right, but I have often thought these messages get drowned out by the number of times athletes have heard these words over time.
To compensate this I am working to make sure I address what specifically make the workout or effort superior during that time period. I might mention how outstanding our transition defense was today or find a kid after practice to make sure they realize how far their ball handling has come throughout the last two weeks. To me this feels like we are noticing their individualistic abilities and not just their effort overall. In the same way there is no faster way to frustrate an athlete than to give a generic response for why they are not playing as much as they would like. To say “we just don’t feel like you give us the best chance” or “she has stood out to us more in practice” is a useless for both the athlete and the coach. Not only does the athlete not have any idea of what specifically they need to improve nor does it give the coach a believable reputation for their attention to detail.
As I mentioned in an earlier post athletes and peers really do appreciate it when you put yourself on the line and say exactly what you are thinking provided it’s true and delivered in a respectable way. I don’t mind doing this same thing when I am writing letters to recruits or having discussions with players. Using real genuine words that reflect your feelings and the way things are allow followers to relate and connect with their leader. I feel too often it seems that there is a template out there that 90% of coaches use to handle different situations and it makes me sad to see people use powerful action words that are generic and well known to try and inspire a connection when in reality they are missing the link between vision and action.
As I just read in an excerpt by leadership expert John Maxwell stating that “followers must buy into the leader before they can connect to the vision.” Your actions and ways you react to the words you use and preach are therefore either flattery or praise depending on the sincerity behind them. Speaking from your heart has not become completely acceptable still in our business based society, but provided you approach it correctly people will connect to this form of communication and judge you as a person accordingly.
So point is: don’t be afraid to communicate exactly what you are feeling and reflect your values as a person. Do it in a respectful way that has a thoughtful purpose and remember that people take messages in altogether different ways. Following this guideline can not only help you become a more effective communicator, but it will also inspire commitment as a leader and give your messages more meaning and influence. Be yourself, speak from the heart and you will never look back with regret, which as a speaker pointed out recently is the key to a successful team. High achieving teams that fill potential often look back with no regrets while a team that is filled with regrets and questions on the season make their work become unsatisfying and less than expectations were projected.
Follow Your Heart Through The Struggles And The Reward Will Be There To Comfort You
Coach Rohr
